


chapped lips

by toddperry



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Also Todd nervously chews his lips until they bleed, Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Neil is a ball of energy that Todd can't get enough of, Not really very angsty but there is a bit I guess, Todd's rambling thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28433739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toddperry/pseuds/toddperry
Summary: Todd has very chapped lips and lots of thoughts. He wants to kiss Neil, he wants to be consumed by Neil, and Neil has lip balm.
Relationships: Neil Perry/Todd Anderson, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 9
Kudos: 71





	chapped lips

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to campitts for always being an inspiration, and to beefcakes too, I love you all a lot. I also hope everyone finds someone who makes them feel blurred at the edges, I know I have. P thanks to you as well, you'll remember our conversation about this fic from like a month ago and you'll probably recognise a few lines. Spot the obvious T Swift reference, I listen to gold rush a lot. I also didn't read this back, so ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes please. This is also the longest thing I have ever written, so i'd love feedback!

Todd likes it when his lips get chapped, when they split at the slightest tug of a smile and there is that subtle burn. He does it when he is nervous, pulls his lips tightly or grates his top two teeth along his lip to feel that little ache. It isn’t any big issue, he just does it when he is anxious, or sad, or looking at Neil. Neil does make Todd feel anxious, but he never makes him sad, and if he ever does feel any sadness while looking at Neil it is only a sense of sadness for him and not because of him, because of his predicament with his father and the play. Todd likes the anticipation of his face in a red flush when Neil is near, wonders if Neil notices, if Neil likes it, sometimes Todd thinks that Neil might say things or do things to make his cheeks go warm and pink. Sometimes it’s a hand on his knee, other times it is just a bright smile at an inside joke.

Todd tries his best to put what he feels for Neil into words, but he always fails to do the other boy justice. In the end scraps of paper find themselves discarded in the waste bin, but always ripped to shreds so that the words on the page are indiscernible of course. Todd is not an idiot and he won’t fall prey to Neil’s endless curiosity – he has seen Neil eyeing him as he rips the page from his leather journal, sometimes Todd makes a show of ripping them up to get the point across. Neil just laughs at him when he does this, shaking his head at Todd’s paranoia, but he understands it and he lets it go. Neil is always letting things go for Todd’s sake, that is what you do when you’re in love.

Always on the fringe, Todd had not felt like he fit in anywhere until he went to Welton. This was odd in itself given the fact that Welton was the opposite of anything Todd would ever want or enjoy. In fact, the thought of going to Welton was perhaps the most terrifying thing he had experienced in life. Jeff had bigged it up a lot, and although Todd knew he meant well, Jeff had also made it very clear that at Welton Todd was going to have to speak up and that he would no longer be able to hide at the back of the classroom anymore. It didn’t start then, the chapped lips thing, that had been going on a while. Like a pinch to the wrist or a rubber band snapped back against a palm it centred him. Sometimes, if his lip bled from the dryness Todd would spread it with his fingertip over his lip or put some on his cheek and look in the mirror and marvel at how flushed he looked, how it would kind of put a glow around him. It was the only time he ever felt pretty. Before Neil, that is. 

Neil always made Todd feel pretty, when he was with Neil he felt so blurred at the edges as if the two of them were melting into one being. Most of the time Todd wishes he could become a part of Neil, and maybe Neil wishes he could be a part of Todd too. Neil was Todd’s metamorphosis, he flourished under Neil’s touch and guiding hand. Maybe that is why Todd sometimes thinks that it would be nice for Neil to chew on his lip, to make him look freshly fucked and rosy and maybe he would glow even just a little bit more for Neil than he already does. Todd would let Neil consume him whole, his body and soul if it would make Neil happy. Todd doesn’t think he has ever been sure of anything in his life except for the truth that is his love for Neil.

It was at that moment that the door to his dorm slammed shut, not aggressively but in a way that only Neil could slam a door- he was always full of so much energy that he could not hold back, and he released it through these small actions, the slam of the door, the way he tumbles onto his bed with a bit too much force and how he sometimes bangs his head against the wall when looks up too fast from a book, eager to share a passage with Todd. Aware of how he must look, having spread a little bit of the blood from his bruised lips onto his cheeks absentmindedly, having softened the stark redness of it with his finger so that his cheeks look the colour of a dusky pink sunset, Todd whips his hand to his face to rub furiously at his cheek in a panicked effort to remove any trace of the rosiness. But quickly he realises his attempt is futile anyways, because as soon as Neil spins round to face Todd he begins to feel that familiar warmth creeping up his pale neck and flood over his face. Todd doesn’t need the artificial blush anymore, when it comes so naturally when Neil walks in. Neil is never oblivious to Todd despite what Todd may think, he always notices this, and just like the torn-up notes and poems, he says nothing. He won’t humiliate Todd; he does not want to be the cause of embarrassment for Todd. So instead, Neil gives Todd a beaming smile, then turns and places his scarf neatly on his desk chair, deposits his coat on the back of it, and collapses onto his bed as though all the life has suddenly left him. Todd would later write a poem about the duality of the sea, about how it can be so calm at one moment but then stirred up into thunderous waves the next, and if Neil ever read it Todd thinks he might just combust because it’s him. It’s Neil. He is Todd’s ocean and Todd is the sailor that worships him. 

The silence that falls over the room makes Todd’s ears pound; how can a silent room feel so loud? Todd shuffles up along his bed, lays back and clasps his hands together and twiddles his thumbs all the while staring at the corner of the ceiling where a little bit of the paint has cracked and peeled to reveal the original wall. Suddenly Neil, who had been laying on his bed with an arm flung over his eyes, glances over at Todd and then up at the ceiling at the shoddy paint and then his eyes flick back down to Todd. Todd blushes even more, and now he is the one with an arm covering his eyes. It is at this moment that Neil rises up from his bed, and Todd with his eyes still covered hears Neil walk the few steps to stand next to his bed. A minute passes like this, Todd covering his eyes and laying still on his thin dorm bed and Neil stood staring down at Todd. What Todd doesn’t see is the small smirk on Neil’s face. 

Suddenly, Todd feels a tap on his head and Neil is speaking, 

“You’re always thinking Todd, won’t you tell me what you’re thinking?” and on the second tap Neil stills his fingers and he strokes a gentle line from Todd’s forehead to his chin, and then drags them up to Todd’s lips which he caresses gently.

“God, Todd haven’t you ever heard of lip balm?”, Todd opens his eyes then and stares straight into Neil’s. He thinks how he would like to kiss Neil, how perhaps this might be the moment and he marvels at how Neil’s eyes sparkle like stars and then all of a sudden Neil has leant down and placed his lips across Todd’s and Todd is closing his eyes again and opening his mouth, and is this what it feels like to be consumed? Is this when he and Neil merge into one? Neil pulls back first, the awkward position making a crick form in his neck, he straightens up again and steps back all the while turning towards his coat hung over the back of his chair. He fumbles a bit in the pocket until he removes a small tin from it, which he then proceeds to throw towards Todd who catches it with a look of confusion on his face. 

“What’s this?” Todd asks, and Neil just lets out a small chuckle and glances back at him saying, 

“You better start using it if you ever want to kiss me again.” Then, as quick as he arrived, Neil has opened the door and left the room and Todd looks down at the small tin in his hand, the lid of which is printed with the text: CHERRY LIP BALM.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on twt @nuwanderism if you want to say hi


End file.
